Party Pooper

On January 1, I posted my New Year’s resolution that I would never, ever, ever again experience the after-party soreness.  It’s this bruised sensation I get all over my body after I eat too many carbs and/or drink too much alcohol.  I also noted that I wasn’t sure if the soreness was from the alcohol or carbs.  Then I climbed up on my high horse and rode off into the sunset.

Since then I’ve posted mildly judgemental missives on not overeating and not allowing one’s child to overeat.  All of which I agree with, but I can just be so darn snooty about it sometimes, especially when I’m on a long, clean-eating streak.

Unfortunately, today I can say that body soreness is from too much carbs, not too much alcohol.  Here’s how my N=1 experiment went:

Yesterday, after a good month of eating like a perfect little angel, I lost my mind.  A friend of mine had a housewarming party featuring a tray of cookies.  I stayed away from the trays of jumbo chocolate chip, oatmeal, and white chocolate macadamia nut cookies for the first three hours of the party. Then I was cornered by an otherwise nice woman who began to yell at me about Donald Trump (I didn’t vote for Trump, but people treat me like I did because I voted third party).  Out of nervousness, I began to shovel cookies in my mouth.  She started to shovel them into her mouth too; so, I felt comfortable with the conspicuous overeating.

Needless to say, I was sick all night.  I had a pounding headache and an incredibly upset stomach that kept me up until the early morning hours.

This morning, my whole body is sore, despite the fact that I had very little alcohol (one drink).  For me, this solves the quandary of where the body soreness comes from, carbs or alcohol.  It’s the carbs.

Here’s the next facet of my resolution: No More Parties!

Can a person really just declare that?  I don’t know and it sounds like a pretty lame existence.  I can count on one hand the number of times I have attended a party and have not left feeling like a cow.  Obviously, I don’t have the self-control to be around exotic foods like Costco cookies.  In the heat of the moment I willingly throw away a month of eating julienned broccoli, boiled eggs, and tuna for lunch.

I’m following in the steps of greatness when I decide to X parties out of my life. Fitness guru Chalene Johnson from Beachbody said on her podcast that she won’t go to any parties.  She didn’t say that it’s because she’ll devour a tray of cookies; rather, Chalene won’t go because she will have fomo about other people’s lives and will feel the need to step up her own life…which is already stepped-up to the max.  Because of this fomo, she forgoes all parties.  If she can forgo parties and not be considered a snob, then I can too….I hope.  Really, I see it more like Al-Anon or OA.  You wouldn’t pressure someone in one of those programs to go with you to a wine bar or  buffet.  My problem is parties.

Ok, I’m going to try this New Year’s thing again.  This time my game plan is no parties.  We’ll see how that goes over with my friendships.

Except for your party, Dad!  I’m going to your huge birthday party and I’m going to eat all of your food!

5 thoughts on “Party Pooper

  1. I like the n=1 remark, I only recently heard someone else use that. I am curious though! Would your body react differently to carbs that were not highly processed garbage (typically what’s found at most parties)… Unless you come stocking your own treats to share. Would that be a possibility? Is there something that, ink the heat of the moment, if you happily binge on it you don’t feel like hell afterwards? We’ve found (due sometimes to choice and other times allergies) we’d take enough of our own treats to share and sometimes they’d go, and sometimes they wouldn’t (which we wouldn’t mind cause then they just come back home with us)… Think that could be an option?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Right. I was wondering about clean carbs too. Like if I went to town on a bunch of sugary grapes, would I feel pummeled in the morning? Or, is this a form of wheat intolerance that I’ve developed?

      We do bring our food and, this time, we ate right before we went to the party. It starts with one bite of a rogue piece of cookie. Then blood’s in the water and in the shark.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hear ya about the shark. Work is my nemesis. Sadly I can’t prepare for the ad hoc Costco cake that someone brought in on Friday… It tasted damn good though.


  2. You and I are cut from the same cloth. Just one Twizzler, I said. That nurse sure was nice to bring them in to share, I said. Many fistfuls later and I was so annoyed at myself! And it was only 10am.


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